100% of the time, within 10 minutes of the start of Polly Pocket the fighting starts. And I'm not talking about little sibling spats that they can resolve themselves. I'm talking about knock down, drag out cat fight about things like, who gets to play with Ariel, who gets the pink sparkly dress, and who isn't playing the game the right way. I've tried things like time out for the girls, time out for the toys, getting two of almost everything so that they can each have the same. NONE of it works for more than a day.
So I figure I have a couple of options:
1. Just ride it out. They do play with them after all. There is nothing worse then spending money on toys that they completely ignore (we have a fair share of those too.)
2. Sell them on ebay just to get rid of the fighting. If they can't get along, then they can't play with them ever again. I figure I can get about $60 for them.
3. Let them each keep two dolls and two dresses and sell the rest. Less is more right?
4. Let them each keep two dolls and two dresses and put the rest in storage until they recover from Mom's crazy postpartum issues and learn how to be nice again because Mom has learned to be nice again.
I like the idea of selling them because I am just about ready to crack because of the constant fighting. But if I were honest, if it wasn't the PP it would be the Barbie, or the animals, or the trains... Because, lets face it, I am a nutcase these days. If Mama ain't happy...
I hate the idea of selling them because, when they play with them separately, they play quietly for HOURS.
What would you do?
11 comments:
I would personally go for #4. The Mom issues are key. Also, for constant fighting, "time out" CAN be more like a long-term storage situation, rather than a daily ordeal. In the past when we have had fighting issues (usually also resulting from my own stress being felt in the home) I have literally packed up every toy in the room in garbage bags and sent them to the pantry for weeks until things improve. I leave them one toy each and you'd be amazed how quickly they improve, AND how quickly the littler guys re-discover books :) I hate the idea of selling toys too, because the good ones can always be used for subsequent children, or in better times, etc... Hope this helps. I will never forget the time I heard a mother say, "You know, owning toys, especially owning lots of toys has NEVER been a right resulting from being born." We just use that concept. Toys are a privilege, not a right. When they behave in such a way to earn the privilege to play with them, they get them, and when they don't... bye, bye for a fairly long-term situation. Also, we found that this practice fosters a wonderfully unusual desire in the older children to periodically "purge" their own rooms of their stuff, to make them neater, and get rid of unused junk, and prettier. I never have to go that route and beg for that, they already want to do it and ask me if we can half the time :)
I think perhaps a mix of a couple of options.
1. Explain before they start playing that if they fight over ANYTHING the dolls get picked up and put away for the day. Tell them they get one "aaakkkk" from you as a verbal reminder but if it happens again, thats it. They get taken up.
2. Tell them that if they fight over the dolls they will have to sit down and divide the dolls and they won't be able to share them and they will HAVE to play separately. That will last a day for two until they figure out that playing together doubles the dolls.
3. Explain to them that when they fight it hurts your heart to hear them. That they are sisters and that someday one of them may need a kidney. ;-)
They should love each other and be kind to each other.
Sounds like everyone needs a nap.
I like #4. Maybe they could earn back a doll or a dress for every day they play nicely or something. Who am I kidding, I'm the LAST person in the universe who should be giving advice. Good luck!
I agree with #4 too. And mom's #1.
I think you've hit on something there at the end. Regardless of how you decide to handle things in the short term, your insight at the end is what will be beneficial in the long term.
Sometimes kids really need their space. Sometimes to learn how to be nice and what that really means (sharing things, taking turns making decisions, not bossing, etc). I know that I had shifted to the "if you're fighting your in separate rooms" theory awhile ago (thought I'll admit I sometimes forget that benefit).
Fewer toys also helps them use their imaginations more (which seems to also be a more calming form of play...not always the games they choose, but how they interact with each other). But space is wonderful.
We've also done the "if you're fighting over it, both people loose". As in the toy(s) disappear until further notice at mom's or dad's choice. And, for the older kids, they both go to time out. (The later usually takes place because one will be trying to get the other in trouble....if forces them to learn to work it out and not just place blame)
Gee, I can't really relate because my kids always share their toys and never fight over who gets to have the blue train, or the firetruck, or who gets to sit where on the couch, or who is copying who, or- oh, sorry.
Actually, I'll go out on a limb and recommend a book that I haven't read but is currently on my "read this soon before you really loose it and screw these kids up beyond normal theraputic help" list. It's "Siblings without Rivalry," and it's been highly recommended to me. I'm just sure it will have all the answers. :)
But in the meantime, I like the idea of taking away all or maybe just a few, and giving them back as they show they can play nicely. Also, sometimes they need to be shown how to share. I know I assume my kids will just get it, and behave how I want, when I sometimes need to sit down with them and say, these are three different ways to share or take turns with your toys. What would you like to do?
Now if only I could take my own advice...
Same sex siblings playing nicely together???? Two of my three children have never played well together and they still don't. One is 37 and one is 40. They can do well together only if direct eye contact never takes place. I think their nicknames for each other are " Nut Job" and " Freak". Do I like this? No. Have I accepted it? I've had to for the sake of my sanity. When they were small, they would play and afterwards crime scene tape would have to go up. That's just the way they are and no amount of anything has ever helped.They love each other and are good to each other, but on their terms.Third child, by the way, has always been the peace-maker and she always played nicely ( probably because she suffered from combat fatigue).
Divide Poly Pocket stuff up and carefully put an "E" or a "L" on every little piece and make sure each gets a sparkle dress or a certain doll to avoid "issues" later in life.Put their Polly stuff in separate bags. Then they can play and have the all important divsion of property. Trust me, they'll share and grow up to be good people....maybe just not with each other.
I have to admit that I did always want to tell them there was a Toy Fairy that came in the night and took toys that had been fought over and only returned them after all fighting had ended. Sort of the reverse Tooth Fairy and Santa, but I never had the nerve. Besides, waking up when you're 18 and finally getting the Barbie House back just wouldn't prove anything.
This is what I would do. I would put all of the polly pockets in a box. Tell the girls when you see them do something nice for each other then they can each choose one item out of the box. Then tell them if you see them being nice to each other and catch them saying nice words then I would let them each pick one more item. And so on. They have to earn back each item. Let us know what you do!
I also recommend Siblings Without Rivalry. I've read it a half a dozen times and I always get something new out of it.
When my kids fight over toys, the toys in question get a "Time Out" for a day or two. I also like Ruby's idea of earning them back. Perhaps put the toys on time out when they're fought over, then they get earned back. Good luck!!!
I once heard a speaker tell that in their family the did things a little differently. When their children were fighting they told them that they obviously needed more practice being together and getting along. Instead of separating them to different rooms, they would have to do an activity together until they were happy and nice to each other (play a board game was the example he gave). Your kids are probably too young for this but it's always stuck in my mind when I start to separate the kids.
I know this is totally off your topic of polly pockets. I have a love/hate relationship with those little dolls. My kids love them and play well with them, but there also seem to be more fights with them, especially when the little clothes rip or they lose a microscopic sized shoe.
On a different subject, we've had kids research a scripture topic together and report about it to us at times. This is a great incentive for them to be reverent at church. If they aren't reverent the younger children get reverence practice when we get home - sitting on a couch, arms folded for the amount of time they weren't reverent in Sacrament meeting. The older kids get assigned a topic like "reverence" to research and teach the family about. It makes for a great reminder at church - we just ask if they need reverence practice and they usually settle down. That said, we still have more than our share of irreverence at church, but we're trying. :)
Hang in there,
Jody
i find that it kinda goes in stages. some stages longer than others. hang in there, my boys are being beasts right now at the moment too!:)
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